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 Deciding who will share your birth experience It can be difficult to decide who,
if anyone, to invite to your birth.
The following are thoughts to help in making your decision:
- Generally,
it is not advisable to have a large number of people present at the
birth. Birth is an extremely intimate and private experience .
- Some
people may be requesting to come to your birth or even worse assuming
that they are coming. Remember that this is your sacred event and you
are in control. You have the power and courage to talk with these
people so that your needs are met.
- Birth
is not the time to mend old relationships, heal old wounds, or do
favors. Tension during birth can slow or halt labor. Contractions are
unlikely to be effective if mom is under stress.
- The
mother should feel she has emotional space and safety wherever she
gives birth. Anyone invited to be present must be prepared to follow
the wishes of the mother.
- Those
invited need to understand that the final decision of who will be
present may change at any time at the discretion of the birthing
parents. At the last minute, guests can be asked not to come, or to
leave and those invited must be prepared for this and not take it
personally.
- Guests
who are present at your labor and birth should come with
POSITIVE feelings towards birth, natural childbirth, homebirth and need
for intimacy of birthing couple.
- It is best to invite to your birth those guests that don't have emotional baggage with the birthing couple.
- Everyone
invited to the birth should have assigned roles such as cleaning,
cooking, caring for children so that the mother does not feel she must
“entertain” house guests.
- If
there are people you want to involve but are hesitant to invite to the
birth you can ask them to come over shortly after the birth to bring
food or help with household tasks.
- Many
couples don't want anyone at their birth. They want the freedom and
privacy to share this intimate experience without observers or family.
- Any
one who has been abusive to the laboring mother or had a rocky
relationship with the birthing couple should not be present at the
birth, unless a great deal of time, healing and effort has been made
between all people to heal wounds. Women feel most vulnerable during
labor, and they must feel safe and protected for labor to progress
steadily
- When
making decisions regarding siblings at birth, keep in mind the
children's ages and needs. When the birth occurs in the middle of the
night, it may be best to let the children sleep. The mother's comfort
level and the child's feelings about being present should be
considered. Some couples decide not to have their children at the
birth. They feel it is hard for the mom to surrender nurturing and
caring for her children.
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